PTM140716786
SECTION 08
Social and Emotional Challenges in Adolescence
Most teenagers have concerns about being accepted by their peers, but many teens with ADHD have come to expect some social rejection due to their difficulties with controlling their behavior and understanding others’ social signals. Social issues encountered in childhood can become worse in adolescence, with the intensity of any rejection or bullying increasing during the teenage years. This rejection can negatively affect both academic performance and emotional health—and can be, in fact, much more troubling to him than making poor grades in school. He also may appear emotionally immature compared with classmates, and sometimes he’ll be more comfortable interacting with younger peers or when spending time with adults who may show greater acceptance of his immature actions.
As with academic challenges, however, difficulties with social interaction can often be helped by having adolescents learn specific skills. You learned a number of ways to teach younger children how to interact positively with others, including role modeling, role-playing, analyzing interaction, and practicing new techniques. Now, in adolescence, your child is likely to experience new motivation to improve his social life, and advice about social issues is now more often sought from peers than from parents.
Teenagers with ADHD can certainly have the close friendships that are important for their happiness and self-esteem. A teenager’s targeted efforts to increase the accuracy of his social perceptions and monitor his social interactions may make this easier for him. As he develops friendships, support this by allowing his friends to hang out in your home and help to provide the kind of supportive environment that facilitates all friendships. Observe how the friends relate to one another, and provide tactful feedback later if you feel that it will be received in a positive and constructive manner. Teenagers with ADHD need to be increasingly aware that friendships take organizational skills too—returning phone calls, arriving at meeting places on time, and following through on plans.
Conflict resolution.
It is important for your teenager to learn how to resolve conflict without resorting to physical fights, and how to avoid becoming the target of others’ aggression. Again, resolving conflict can be a difficult teenage task if his impulsiveness causes him to strike out when he gets upset. An important step in avoiding this problem is to identify his own anger cues and to brainstorm in advance about the kinds of positive solutions he can apply to future conflicts.If this is an issue with your teenager, through discussions with you and peers; post-conflict analysis; and sessions with a counselor, therapist, or social-skills instructor, he can learn to “talk himself down” when he finds himself in a frustrating clash of wills (“I’m going to take three deep breaths and think about my best choice in this situation before lashing out.”). He can also practice conflict-prevention techniques, such as providing an alternative (“How about if we go bowling first and then see a movie?”), adding provisions (“OK, you can drive, but then I get to decide on the restaurant.”), or changing the subject (“I’m starving. You want to get some pizza?”).
Once your child has learned a few of these specific techniques, he may be surprised at how effective they are in helping him avoid the crises that used to disrupt his social life. If you are seeking counseling in this area, the most proven approach is through cognitive-behavioral therapy—this is a type of talk therapy that views behavioral issues as related to the interaction of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. In cognitive-behavioral therapy, the therapist and adolescent will work on identifying and directly changing behaviors that are problematic.
As with other learning processes, your teenager can hone his social skills and interaction by
Developing a list of specific target behaviors to work onOutlining a step-by-step plan to address each oneReceiving consistent, tactful feedback from you, his peers, and his teachersLearning such techniques as identifying cues that set off his anger, analysis of others’ social interaction, social role-playing, etcGetting training in anger management or social skills, or treatment in individual or group therapy, when appropriateReceiving treatment for any coexisting conditions that may affect his social interactionGetting positive feedback for improvement in targeted social skillsStaying involved in rewarding prosocial activities
That said, it is also true that many people with ADHD continue to have trouble with certain social interactions throughout adolescence and into adulthood. Whether or not this is the case with your teenager, make it clear that you support him no matter what. Nothing will be more difficult for him than overcoming social rejection. It will mean a lot to your teenager to know that you will always be in his corner. Keep in mind that even teenagers who are socially unhappy in high school go on to find rewarding friendships in college or work situations.
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